Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you try, it will never be good enough? You put yourself out there so much as a parent and it never seems to be good enough. The amount of judgement, the constant fear of having your reputation on the line. And you are probably now asking, "then why in the fuck are you in the business if you cant deal with it?"
Because I actually do care about what I do for a living. Whether I am in the business or not, my experiences as a mom is the almost the same storyline as every other mom out there. The problem is that we don't talk about it. We fear that judgement and knowing that another mom is going to say something that makes us feel more self-conscience even though they are just trying to help. I really do love me job but damn it is HARD. Trying to CONVINCE moms that taking care of yourself is more important that the load of laundry that you are expected to put away. Thats a loosing battle if I have ever seen one. Trying to convince a mom that she shouldn't have weight loss as her first priority right after pushing a watermelon out of a pee hole. Trying to explain to a mom that her body just suffered an injury from delivery is mind boggling to me.
I had to admit to myself today that I will never "win", I will always be struggling and nothing will ever be perfect. Moms in general work their asses off, we are also held to a double standard that we must run the household-making sure its clean, the laundry is done, the meals are cooked, the husband gets his dick stroked every other day, homework is done, workout so we that we can please said "dick" and everything else in between. Then to top it off, we are expected to be perfect at our jobs whether that is running our own business or working for someone else. Always performing, always making the money so that we can be financially set. We are expected to be happy all the time, happy with our life, happy with what we have, this bullshit on social media of looking perfect all of the time, wearing the makeups, being thin.........like when can we just all admit that lift is an emotional shit hole sometimes. Like holy hell how do we keep our shit together??
Honestly I don't even know where I am going with this other than I just feel so defeated right now and the expectations are getting to me. I guess putting it out there for the world to see even though no one will probably read this crap, maybe it is just good to physically get it down onto paper. I hate admitting that business is slow but it is. I start to think that maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I really do suck at this shit. Maybe I was just born to be this plain ole housewife that cant make her own fuckin money to save her own life. Or maybe this is just a good ole fashioned pity party and just get it out of my system.
The ever revolving door of expectations.